A visit from Grandma Coral and Traveling with a 16 month old!

My mom is here for a 3 week visit from the US!  Dave said "Wow!  This is the first time anyone's ever come to visit me overseas!"  Well, we know that the real draw is Jonathan, her only living grandchild.

It's interesting.  My mom has commented that Jonathan is stubborn and strong-willed.  It's true that he is a very busy boy at 16 months, but I hadn't thought of him in those terms, probably just because I don't have anything to compare him too.  Guess we need a lot of wisdom from the Lord how to help Jonathan learn how to manage his personality.

 Last week was Spring Break, so we took the opportunity to travel and make some family memories.  We had already scheduled to go to Singapore for my 20 week ultrasound, and after the miscarriage we couldn't refund the tickets.....so we went.  

Singapore has a large population but a very low birthrate of only 1.1 children per woman.  As a result, the government is trying very hard to get people to have babies and we found it to be the most child-friendly city we've ever visited!  Every restaurant had multiple baby seats and didn't mind the mess that Jonathan left on the floor!  Here we are at a Chinese place we found that had excellent vegetable dishes!

We were able to stay at a mission guest house that saved us a few dollars and also gave us the comfort of home and lots of room for Jonathan to run around.  Here are Jonathan and Grandma Coral playing with Bananagram tiles in the master bedroom!

One morning Dave had a business meeting, and we went along to wait until it was over?  What to do with our very busy and energetic kid?  Ah, bliss, we found an empty tennis court with a fence all the way around it!  We could relax a bit and Jonathan could run freely with no danger of injury or escape!

Singapore being the baby friendly city that it is, every establishment had a well-stocked diaper changing station.  You know those Kangaroo diaper changing stations in the U.S. at restaurants and airports?  I never found one that had supplies or a working safety belt.  I gasped at the Singapore airport when I found their spotless Kangaroo diaper changing station had a full pack of liners and a functioning safety belt!  In this picture, Dave is changing Jonathan's diaper at a department store we visited.  There were about 5 well padded, well supplied stations!  It was beautiful, but changing Jonathan's diaper has become a wresting match no matter where we are!

Well, it might seem a little silly, but we visited Ikea while we were in Singapore.  It was the real deal -- blue building and everything.  Dave and Jonathan spent about an hour playing in the children's department.  Dave said it was practically his favorite experience of the whole trip!

Even more wonderful, the Singapore airport had this lovely family center complete with a Burger King, cartoons, padded play area, private nursing rooms, diaper stations and this play structure!  We needed that wiggle opportunity before boarding a 2 hour flight!

Vacations are fun, but getting home is fun too.  Jonathan likes to help with every now, and here he is helping us to unpack!

Things that are different: Going to the doctor

What is she doing?   Dr. Yos prepares Jonathan's DTP vaccine.

The lady in the head covering and flowered shirt is our new doctor! Jonathan is 15 months old and it was time for him to get his next round of shots. This dear lady was recommended to us because she routinely orders the Belgian vaccines that most foreigners like to give to their babies. We can get to her place via mini-bus with one connection, but Dave discovered a way that we can walk there by taking some of the smaller roads. So walk we did.....

Over the river...I mean ravine...

Past the cemetery....both Muslims and Christians are buried here

This "alley" is actually the main street for a whole neighborhood.  It works fine if your only transportation is a motorcycle, which is true for most people here!

We're almost there....just a little further.

Here we are at the Doctor's office!  She has clinic hours in the late afternoon! We arrived at about 4 pm.

In the waiting room....

Jonathan weighed 10.4 kg on Dr Yos' scale -- almost 23 pounds.  So she prepared the vaccines while we talked about her five grown daughters who all have PhDs.  She told us that she is 67 years old ....which is 12 years past retirement age in this country!  I'm thinking she must still be working to help pay for all those college educations!

And here is the second shot (varicella.)  Yep, he screamed, although we didn't get a picture of that part!

Now walking home.  I still have a hard time believing this is the most populated island on the planet, yet there can still be patches of thick jungle like this!  I expected a concrete jungle like Los Angeles!

Things that are different: Neighborhood work parties

Dave (in hat) cleans up with our neighbors

So the same neighborhood association that organizes the monthly baby clinics also arranges for a neighborhood work party every month or so. We usually get the official written invitation (complete with letterhead and offical stamp of the village leader) on a Saturday, calling for the work party to commence on Sunday morning at 7 am. Dave really enjoys these work parties because they happen at a good time for him and he can contribute to the effort while at the same time practice his Indonesian and meet our neighbors on a low key basis. Jonathan and I like to make a short appearance, and then head home for the baby's pre-church nap. (Okay, I must admit he is a toddler now, but we still like to get that nap in if we can!)

This week they were just doing superficial clean-up stuff -- picking up trash and leaves, cutting down the long grass, etc. Sometimes they do bigger things like dig drainage ditches or paint lines on the roads. They are always well attended -- I saw at least 20 people at work and more people were arriving as Jonathan and I were heading home.

The systems we have in America are nice, such as city street sweepers and road maintenance crews.....but at the same time, this is a great way for a community to take ownership of their space, hang out together and make fun out of a lot of hard work.

Peek-A-Boo!

Ugh, we've had internet issues for about 10 days now. So finally, here is the promised video of Jonathan on Christmas Day. (I know, I know, it's February already!) He got several presents on Christmas Day, but his favorite thing was the box that Grandma Coral sent from America -- minus it's contents! Here he's enjoying a Peek-A-Boo game with his daddy.



It's been almost 3 weeks since the miscarriage. We are still disappointed, but able to move forward now with a new scar. We've received a lot of support and encouragement from all of you and from the expat community here. Thank you -- it helps so much, more than you know.

Sad news

We had a miscarriage Tuesday morning and I am no longer pregnant.

It started Sunday. We thought it was just spotting that would stop on its own. By Monday the symptoms were progressing. We went to the local obstetric hospital and had an ultrasound. The doctor told us the gestational sac was too small, not shaped correctly. He didn't see a heartbeat. He followed that up by saying "We'll wait a week or two, see what happens. It could still be alright" We were dubious of his skills, but none-the-less concerned because the bleeding was continuing. We decided to wait it out at home. It started around 1 am and was basically over by 6 am.

So how are we feeling? Truly, we are coping and feel cared for by our Father in heaven ...but we have a lot of conflicting emotions. I feel free to share some of them.

Disappointed but not devastated: We feel so sad. We really wanted this baby and rejoiced in the miracle of new life, so delighted to conceive again. We cherished it for 11 weeks, praying for it and starting to make tentative plans. We were thinking of names -- had a certain girl name picked out and a possible boy name. Was it a waste of time? The first trimester of pregnancy is so aggravating! The mommy doesn't look pregnant or physically feel the baby's presence, yet so many things she does can cause problems. I'm so careful, avoiding coffee, chemicals, microwaves, etc, etc. Was all that for naught? At the same time, although this disappointment is big, we don't feel the same complete devastation as when we lost our infant daughter Bethany.

Grateful the process went quickly: We are so grateful that nature took its course and no medical intervention was required. I also am personally grateful because the 1 am - 6 am time frame was probably the best possible scenario, given the circumstances. I didn't need an audience. Jonathan was sleeping and didn't require my constant attention. Dave was there to support me.

I'm not pregnant anymore? It's an adjustment. We have some friends who are leaving to go back to the states. We went to their house to say good-bye this evening, and they offered me a nursing pillow to use for the new baby. I actually took the pillow and thanked them before I remembered that ...I'm not pregnant anymore.

What if we had known ahead of time? As far as the big picture, I'm having some cosmic thoughts. When Dave and I started dating, would we have moved forward if we'd known we would lose Bethany and now this baby too? What about the unknown but certain losses that await us in the future? How gracious is God that He reveals His plan for us one small step at a time? Before we lost Bethany, I didn't really know how painful life can be. I didn't understand how the majority of people in the world walk around with painful burdens of loss. Now I understand a little more. While it doesn't seem fair that we've lost two children, I know there are many who have lost much more.

Confused, absurd relief: I feel embarrassed and guilty because I am now looking forward to drinking full-lead coffee. I am relieved that I don't yet have to deal with Gestational Diabetes. Our summer plans are simplified, for this year at least. I can now clean things with bleach and paint our guest room without worrying about the fumes. Maybe, in God's grace, if we get pregnant again, Jonathan will be weaned. How can I think so quickly of these "benefits" of our loss?

Our sweet Jonathan: Wow, does he ever help us out! He is relentless -- learning to climb on furniture and us, wanting to run, wanting to go outside, read books. Thanks to him, our arms are not empty. Yet, dare I admit, I still sometimes fear that his fragile life could also be taken from us. I am human--sometimes these thoughts intrude. We are thankful for our little boy.

Was it a natural death....or a tragic accident? Initially we assumed that our baby died of natural causes, as with most miscarriages in which the baby did not develop properly. However, I've since remembered an event a few weeks ago when I changed a lightbulb in our wardrobe. (It is common for wardrobes in the tropics to have lightbulbs inside, to keep the mold away.) Here the voltage is a powerful 220, and homes often are not wired properly. This house was certainly not ever served by a certified electrician. I was on my bare knees with both hands in the cupboard, and sustained quite a shock. I felt it through my whole body and remember throbbing for a while afterward. Could this have hurt and killed our teeny tiny baby? We did some research online and were mortified to find a fair amount of literature and research on the topic -- it is a realistic possibility. Of course, we will never know for sure. We are not blaming ourselves. We are just even more sad to think that this could have caused the miscarriage.

What about God? We have prayed through this entire process, and feel God's presence and care. We DO NOT understand anything about why this happened. I'm confused about the function of prayer at the moment, but that doesn't mean I have stopped praying. We have no doubt that God has placed us here and we are in the center of His will. Best of all, we know our tiny, beloved baby is in heaven with big sister Bethany, whole and loved.

That was an outpouring of honesty. I don't expect everyone who comes to this blog to read it all, but there it is. Thank you so much for your love and prayers.

Now for something more positive...

I know this blog has been neglected for almost a month. The pregnancy made me so..... tired ....all....the.....time. Tomorrow or the next day I hope to post a cute Christmas video of Jonathan, so please check back!

Christmas Stockings -- Christmas Eve and Jonathan's is done!

Well, it is public now -- we are expecting Our Little Miracle #3!  We are so happy and excited!  We were hoping this would happen, but I really doubted it could since Jonathan is still a very frequent nurser, even at night.  So we feel God has given us a miracle -- Thank you Lord!

Other than some (a lot!) exhaustion, I am feeling well.  No nausea.  I am more sensitive to smells, so Jonathan's dirty diapers are now being stored in the back of the house instead of our bedroom.  I've had a little light-headedness from time to time.  I almost wish I felt more symptomatic for reassurance that the baby is getting the right hormones ....but I just have to trust God to do what is best for us.   The exhaustion reminds me that I am indeed pregnant and so I have prescribed myself to rest when I feel winded and to nap when Jonathan naps since such amazing things are happening inside and apparently the new baby needs that energy.

So, since I am Soooooooooooo tired, all of the time, my expectations of what will be accomplished for Christmas have fallen drastically........but I did finally finish Jonathan's stocking today.

In the year after Bethany died, I cross-stitched her stocking.  Somehow, filling in this simple picture, pixel-by-pixel, was so calming and so healing to me.  I needed to have her presence recognized in our home each Christmas, to proclaim to all who enter that she is an important member of our family.  As for it's function, it will not be filled with gifts for her.  Instead it will have a small gift FROM her and a few words for each member of the family.  This year, just little notes actually. 

Bethany's stocking

So now the goal is for each member of our family to have their own stitched stocking.  I don't work on this every day, but it does take me about a year to complete one project.  I already have the designs and materials for Dave and I's stockings, but haven't started on those yet.  (I have some felt to quickly throw together something for Dave and I for tomorrow, but if it doesn't happen, I guess we'll use athletic socks!)  Some of you will remember seeing me stitching away from time to time .....here is the finished product!

Jonathan's stocking -- finished in the nick of time!

Merry Christmas everybody!  We miss you and love you so much!

Update on Volcano: Merapi Stars and Human Trafficking

I wanted to do a special post about this ornament on our tree -- the Merapi star.

Actually we have 5 of them!

This star = hope and employment for victims of the Merapi volcano

Many of the refugees from Mount Merapi returned to their villages a few weeks ago and are slowly rebuilding their lives, but this is not the case for all. Some villages are completely destroyed and the land will be uninhabitable for at least 3-5 years. Those villagers are still living in uncomfortable refugee camps. Others have returned to their villages to find their fields covered with ash and volcanic rock, their homes severely compromised, and water systems destroyed.

It's impossible to build houses or grow food on this land.

The people in the camps are vulnerable, without employment and becoming more desperate. Human traffickers are targeting them already, offering employment either locally or abroad. People will sign up, eager for a chance to raise money for themselves or their family, and be transported. Most will end up in forced labor or sexual exploitation. It is also not unusual here for families in desperation to "sell" a child into sexual trafficking. It breaks my heart as a mother to write those words, but it is true. They do not choose because of selfish reasons but for their families to survive. We can not judge because we will never be in this situation to understand the heart of such decision making.

These Merapi stars are one way that God's people here are providing employment and hope for Merapi refugees, enabling funding to rebuild their villages and combat human trafficking. The refugees hand-crafted these intricate star ornaments, made from recycled paper, wire and beads. They were personally paid 2500 rupiah for every star they completed. The stars were then sold for 10,000 rupiah each (about $1.10), with the additional 7500 rupiah returned to the crafter's village for rebuilding projects and continuing the new bead making business.

The first 2000 stars made sold out locally in 3 days -- raising over $2000 for the villages and for the business. Now the crafters have moved on and are learning how to make different kinds of beads from pop cans, banana leaves and other materials. They are exploring designs for jewelry and bags and other things. Hopefully this will just be the beginning of sustainable employment and safety for these people.

If this work of God moves you to want to give to it financially, a special fund is already set up for donations with 100% going toward helping the Merapi victims. Give to OC International, PO Box 36900, Colorado Springs, CO 80936. Merapi Star Account # 440030.