Remembering Bethany in October

It's October.  Most of my life, I had thought of October has being my birthday month.  However, I'm now aware that October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  I'm sure you didn't know that.  I sure didn't before we had a reason to know.  Prior to Bethany's death, I had rarely ever thought about what it would be like to lose a baby.  Soon afterwards, I discovered that many -- a dozen or more -- people I know and had known for years, had lost a baby and carried those scars for the rest of their lives.  As we do now.

If you are new to our blog and to our family journey, Bethany's complete story is HERE.  

We celebrated Bethany's 4th birthday on July 22.  Below is a photo of the birthday party we had for her.  Her picture.  A balloon.  A cake that said "Happy Birthday Bethany Joy." Ice cream.  Family.

Our Forever Baby turns 4!

I still get teary eyed at times when I remember our daughter.  The grief is changing though.  How amazing to look at this photo.  Her photo remains the same black-and-white image that will never be replaced with pictures of her growing up.   Our family is changing and growing -- the photo from Bethany's birthday last year did not have Joshua in it!

How does grief grow and change?  After 4 years of avoidance, I'm now thinking about getting Bethany's music CD out again....and it doesn't pain me to think of it.  In fact, I found myself singing one of those songs to Joshua the other day.  It's a sign to me that we are healing, and our boys are the greatest healing salve of all.  We are so thankful for them.  We are also thankful for Bethany's vibrant life in heaven -- I think of her as a growing girl there. 

I met a couple last year who had lost a baby to SIDS about 25 years ago.  They now say that, although the grief process was long and painful, it was one of the best things that could have happened to them, because of how God showed his graciousness to them.   I don't know if I will ever say that Bethany's death was the best thing that ever happened to me.....but I am thankful that she is safe in heaven and am confident in her security.

We still give our deepest gratitude to the wonderful organization, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, who helped us in our time of need to provide such beautiful pictures of Bethany during her last day on earth.   These photos have been a crucial part of our healing process.  Do you know that we never held her, wire free, until her last 14 hours of life?  Yet we have dozens of professional photos of Dave and I embracing her -- just herself with none of that ugly medical equipment in the picture.  Those 14 hours were far too short, but our photos keep those memories fresh in our minds while the other less pleasant times are actually fading away to a place too deep to recall easily.

Please, if there ever comes a time in your life that you would know of a family who has just lost a baby, or has a terminally ill infant, do what you can to help them get Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep involved.  They offer this free service to anyone with this specific need and have volunteer photographers on call all throughout the United States and some other parts of the world too.  

Bethany Joy July 22 - August 6, 2008

Remembering our firstborn with sadness and hope for the future.

Bethany Joy Patrow

July 22, 2008 - August 6, 2008

"The Lord will keep you from all harm" Psalm 121